who do you think you are
by breezysmooth
Summary: An endless loop of clichéd butterflies, paint tunnels, and never falling in love. Set after the movie.


Title: Who do you think you are

Summary: An endless loop of clichéd butterflies, paint tunnels, and never falling in love

Timeline: Set at the end and after the movie.

Words: 3000+

A/N: Hallo I'm the author's first ever WOWP fic, please R&R

Sell me candy, sell me love,

Sell me heaven, sell me doves

What's the charge, what's the cost?

Rihanna, Sell Me Candy

* * *

"_I want everything exactly as I want it to be."_

The shit-storm vanishes as if someone swept it off the floor of reality, and finally everything clears. Coughing violently, as the beginning of a scream died on her lips, she steps out.

Confusion and reluctance lifts from her frame, once she hears an impossibly familiar voice.

"Alex?" Her mom. In flesh and blood. Actually remembering Alex, with her arms on her hips and a deeply set scowl.

"Mom?" She revels in the feel of saying her name, as if she's been starved of it for weeks.

Her mother pays no attention, just steps forward authoritatively and says something about Justin magically gluing her to the chair- and oh, gosh. Nothing's _changed._

A relieved smile crept up her face and without warning she crashes herself into her mother's arms, her gratitude and regret seeping into her voice.

Her mother's puzzled, but she can hear Justin and Max downstairs (with dad), and she silently squeals as she runs downstairs, anticipating for an alive-and-together-family-reunion marathon that she can't help but start.

Justin smirks as he challenges her about the next time, and Max just grins goofishly as she squeezes him to death, and her parents look amused yet perplexed at how well their kids were getting along.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Alex Russo screwed up royally, spilled all of her innermost secrets to her brother, cried more in a single day than she has in her life- and in the end she still **made **it.

She feels like she deserves around ten thousand standing ovations and roses, thank you very much.

* * *

Until they started.

She gets images in her head that... she isn't supposed to have (that she doesn't remember),

Dark eyes that seem molten, that mirror the cold and twinkling expanse of the stars above. A fireplace, crackling silently about promises (that mean so much more).

A hand slung around her hip. Her fist bunching up his shirt. Smiles (filled with this _something_ she didn't want to know)

That's when she wakes up (sweat rolling down her neck even if the cabin is air-conditioned).

* * *

Life was the same, almost.

It was like the time when she accidentally turned their whole apartment into literally nothingness, and as punishment she had to place each object on each shelf the way it was before.

But this time it feels like the birthday present cat is in her bedroom, one of Max's underwear lying in the kitchen, a Justin dork-bot sprawled on the terrace- some items were shifted carelessly, out of place.

Nobody else seemed to notice, except for her. Harper still giggles about Justin and how cute his (dorky) dimples are against her locker – but this time, she still rolls her eyes and scoffs and everything, but she feels this stupid tightening of her chest that's so alien she almost drops her pizza slice on the floor.

That pisses her off, because seriously? - that pizza had pepperoni on it.

* * *

"_You did a good jo-"_

"_No, we both did a good jo-_

"_Alex, I don't want you to hang out with him, he's danger-"_

"_You can't tell me what to do, Justin, this is my lif-"_

"_I'm sorry. For everythin-"_

"_No, no Justin, please please you can't leave me her-"_

"_I'm Alex, your little sister. I taunt you and tease you and make your life miserable –"_

"_I'll never leave you."_

She nearly slams her head against the pillow as the tears start flowing, because goddamn it she's _Alex_, been on this road before, and she's established where she is and where she will be- yet they keep coming back.

She was this close to marching to Justin's door and beg him to make them just stop. He'll help her. He always does. She just has to get up and leave.

"_-but you love me anyways."_

(She didn't.)

* * *

_"I use whatever spell the lord allows,_

_That is, of course, if I knew how."_

She hates school.

Okay, no big surprise there. But she especially hates it these days. She would gladly magic herself away from Tribeca Prep, to somewhere sandy and breezy and filled with cute, shirtless guys. ("I won't mind being a beach hobo...")

And that's saying something, because usually she'll want to save all that trouble and burn the school down instead.

The problem was this: Dorky Brother A (or as the others call him, Justin) has been talking to slutty cheerleader Z for the past five minutes. Z's been batting her eyelashes and flipping her hair at him, and Alex resists the urge to gag. What was even more gag-worthy was that he had this dreamy look on his eyes, so Alex also resists the urge to stab his eyeballs with a plastic knife.

Man, with the amount of self-control she has to have you think people would stop calling her unpredictable. But she might be wrong, because her legs aren't really in tune with her brain and seem to be walking straight across the hallway to his locker. Her arms haven't been listening to her head either, because they yank his collar back while she smiles sweetly at slutty cheerleader Z.

"Oh, hey, I just need to talk to Justin for a moment about his food allergies; they prevent him from kissing, so I was worried. It's a sad medical condition you see, he can't breathe after he kisses people on the cheek, and his face blows up like a puffer fish-"

She grinned satisfactorily as the slut cringes and makes a lame excuse about going to Maths class, and her lips stretch wider when she catches his dirty look.

"So, like, did you totally have fun listening to her talk like this for like, five minutes?" She mocks him, twirling her hair and batting her eyelashes for added affect.

"She doesn't talk like that, Alex. You do." He scowls, crossing his arms and looking at her condescendingly like he's her nanny.

Her face twists. "I told you I stopped talking like that since I was thirteen. Three years ago. You, on the other hand, still don't lack that great talent of having no social life." This was normal and familiar. This was JustinandAlex talk, something so purely them and untouchable that it's been incorporated into their lives ever since she learnt to laugh (at him).

He smirks and retorts something probably witty and/or snarky, but she really isn't listening because she's staring at his arms (since when did he get muscles?) and there's something that bumps against her stomach, something fluttery and she realizes what the clichéd phrase "Butterflies in the stomach" meant.

She keeps staring until he notices and asks her. She swallows, face unreadable.

She invents a barely-believable reason why she has to go to the toilet, and –face burning- she went there. Fast.

* * *

She decides school, substation and home are not Alex-conducive corners, so she goes to the tunnel instead.

Yeah, even if it's a Monday and it's twelve and her parents will kill her when she gets back. But she needs this, needs to feel the silence thrumming around her, to have time to think and to fill grimy, damaged walls with colours so bright that it might hurt her eyes.

Right now she's working on this (oddly romantic) piece where a faceless couple held hands, in a jungle, by a fireplace, under the enchantment of billions of stars.

Then she realizes her mistake and grimaces as she flicks her wrist- her effort for the past two hours vanishes.

* * *

She stays there for the whole day, hearing the bustle of New York aboveground and aimlessly splashing paint onto the walls.

She's been there so long she doesn't know when the sun set (she thinks it was a few hours ago. Thinks) and she really doesn't want to go back.

You see, going back constitutes a long winded lecture about safety and informing her parents about her whereabouts and no dessert, and (worst part of all) seeing him. Which she really doesn't want to do.

Seeing him means she has to act all little-sisterly and tease and taunt him (okay, fine, that part didn't bother her a lot) and pretend that nothing inside her ever changed.

She'll gladly sit here in an abandoned tunnel far below the world, thank you very much.

* * *

_"Cobalt and umber and ultramarine,_

_Ivory black and emerald green-_

_What shall I paint to give pleasure to you?"_

_"Paint for me somebody utterly new."_

_

* * *

_

She wakes up to fluid warmth on her cheeks, shivering, and violently shaken shoulders.

She stares at him with half-lidded eyes. "Justin?" Her voice is so small, quiet that Justin takes a while to respond.

"I'm here, Alex."

She sighs as she recognizes the wetness on her cheeks, and hugs him tightly.

* * *

"Why?"

She groans again, and props the breadstick in her mouth, she ate only a sandwich yesterday (at seven in the morning) so she's starved and she really didn't want to talk to him. She has better uses for her mouth.

"Why?" He repeated, obviously not agreeing with her.

She (unfortunately) understood what he was talking about, and knows that he won't stop looking at her like that until she gives in.

She gives in.

"Because I missed my art." She answers curtly. Hey, nobody told her she has to tell the whole truth.

"Really? You don't spend a whole day in a tunnel because _you missed your art_, Alex."

She rolled her eyes. "You're hiding something."

"Yeah Justin, I have something to hide in an abandoned tunnel which the whole of Downtown New York knows about, completely."

He squints his eyes at her, his signature I'll-get-you-next-time-young-woman scowl on his face and she scoffs, what was he, sixty? She steals the bacon from his plate, smiling sweetly.

It's not like she was hiding something. She was hiding **from** something.

* * *

Then it hits her.

No, it wasn't one of those clichéd epiphany thingies, where you realize your love of your life and you go sprinting down sunny meadows in slow-mo and embrace them lovingly. It was more like it was dangling over her head like some rope-tied vault, and somehow she entered the place marked 'X' and some evil coyote nearby let it loose on her.

That evil coyote had the worst timing ever, because she's in school next to Harper, her best friend who was so in love with that same person that she can't think straight and what's more she's in _school _with Luke or Lucas or whatever checking her out.

And it hurt. Like a bitch.

She swallows the huge lump in her throat, and she feels like she's going to throw up in five seconds. Apparently Justin notices and she can see him pushing through the student body, making his way over to him, and that makes her even more sick and she just can't take it anymore.

She disappears.

* * *

She doesn't say "Paris, Texas" so she's quite sure she won't be caught in the middle of a rodeo showdown.

But, through the flurry of her tears and the fierceness of her magic, she's quite sure that she can hear heavy metal blasting from speakers and a paint-streaked figure prancing around.

_Aunt Megan,_ she thinks, and that's all she can do before dropping to the ground.

The rest was fuzzy.

* * *

A sharp voice was poking her from sleep, while something warm and buttery (and god, when was the last time she ate?) is sliding down her gullet, past her ribcage. She swallows again, and suddenly her tongue doesn't feel so raspy and she can sit up.

"-that's right, gulp it up. You look so thin you make those models here to shame."

She, for once in her life, complied (all too eagerly) and, slurping the leftovers on her chin, she managed a response.

"Oh, gee, my crash diet is working. The Barbie twins would be proud."

The older woman snorted, her eyes twinkling and her mouth creasing. "You're awake." She hummed in response, devouring the drink as if she hadn't eaten in years.

"Whaddya doing here, kid? I thought we got it clear that no Jerry's kids enter the Megan's lair."

"I had nowhere else to go." She said softly, hiding her face in the glass. "I didn't really choose, my magic just... brought me here."

Her aunt's mouth rounded in an 'O', and she nodded. "But why here, Alex? Why not Kelbo's-" Her niece snorted. "Oh, you get what I mean."

The younger girl huffed, blowing the strand of hair away from her nose, and stuck the tip of her tongue as she scowled. "I don't know, okay? My magic does all this stuff. It's not like I wanted to be here."

She notices her aunt almost flinching at her choice of words, and she relents. "I'm sorry-"

"Its fine, Alex. I remember the times when I had magic, I couldn't control it either."

She had this wistful look on her face, and her heart tugs a little, telling her to say something.

"Dad misses you." She blurted, almost subconsciously. "Even if he doesn't say so or if he's angry at you for not saying sorry."

Now it's Megan's turn to snort, and Alex wonders vaguely if this is going to turn into one of those snorting contests Justin and Max have. So she straights herself up, and tries once again.

"Really, he does."

"Yeah, yeah." She dismisses, waving it away with her hand. "That's a whole 'nother bunch of crap for another time. What's more important is why you're here."

Alex growled. "I told you-"

"No, _why _are you here? What, did you wish yourself away from school or something?"

She says nothing for a while, until she hears a tired groan.

"Oh, for the love of- kid, you gotta stop acting like me. It's getting creepy, and it's gonna get you grounded for life, at this rate."

"You try having a life-changing realization at school." She muttered under her breath.

"What's that?"

"Uh, nothing. I was just thinking- do you have more butterscotch?"

* * *

_All right, sit down and spill your heart,_

_Let's start from the very start_

_'cause I can see by your eyes, you're wasted_

_Your energy comes and goes,_

_You're taking your time, you know_

_Nothing can change what happened, you know

* * *

_

She tells Aunt Megan.

As in, everything.

From the stupid vacation slash almost-disaster at the Caribbean, to the stupid dreams and well... now. She tells her about the stupid, generic butterflies (and how much she hates them) and this new feeling called 'jealousy' (she hasn't learnt to pronounce it yet, though) and her bonding-time with abandoned tunnels, and Justin's arms.

She takes a deep, deep breath to calm herself, and to brace herself for the yelling-match ready to spring. She means, really, if her aunt's anything like her she'll go ballistic and tell her family to disown her- but this older version of her was quiet.

"Okay..." Megan dragged along, apparently thinking.

"Have I ever told you about my first cousin, Alberto?"

She squinted, confused. What did that have to do with anything?

* * *

She arrives (dramatically) in a smoke of purple haze, and grins at Justin's furious stare.

"Alex!" He hisses. "What were you thinking, using magic unsupervised and in public-"

She grins angelically. Oh yeah, she's home.

"I know, I know, Justin, no using magic without yours or Dad's permission blah blah blah, safety blah blah blah- I get it." He just narrows his eyes at her and grits his teeth.

"Count to ten," She suggests, leaning on the counter. "It helps."

He made this (so not hot) grunting noise. "Where did you go?"

"Some place in Texas." She replies, and waits for it to sink in.

"What?" Three, two, one- "Alex! You went to visit Aunt Megan? In the middle of the day?"

"Hey, it was midnight there, and she didn't seem to care." She defends herself, sneakily grabbing an apple and munching on it. Yeah so she wasn't a fan of healthy, but she does resort to it from time to time.

He was fuming, that was clear enough. If she was hungry (or hard-working) enough, she might as well crack two eggs on his head and fry them up there.

"Calm down, Justin, nobody saw. Besides, you have to hear what I found out."

"No Alex I will not calm down, I told you not to go to Paris because Dad made it strictly forbidden- you aren't listening, are you?"

The apple was reduced to a skinned core. "Nope. And I won't until you listen to what I have to say."

He growled. Not. Hot. So. Not. Hot. Not- "Fine, what did you find out."

"Oh, something interesting about our family history..."

"I'm listening."

"Apparently Dad's from Silicon(Sicily!) yeah, something like that. Anyways, she was telling me about her first cousin, Alberto-"

"Alex, what does that have to do with anything?"

She huffed. "Shefellinlovewithhim." Better not to stretch it.

He blinked. "Whoa."

"Tell me about it." The hall became impossibly small, her voice impossibly soft. "Apparently, when she was my age..." Her voice cracked. "She went to Italy for a holiday, and spent three weeks with him. He loved her back, was ready to marry her. They were going to run away to a small town or something like that. But then..."

"Their family found out." He was barely audible. Her eyes snapped to his.

"Yeah." She searched his face, alert. "How did you know that?"

He wasn't looking at her, his shoulders sagging and his eyes glued to the floor.

"All stories end like that, Alex."

* * *

_I remember when I lost my mind_

_There was something so pleasant about that place_

_Even your emotions have an echo in so much space

* * *

_

They're smiling at each other, grasping each others' fingers and love clearly radiating from their pupils.

The fireplace was nice, inviting, praising her.

She says his name, but he just frowns teasingly and presses her knuckles to his lips.

"Justin, I want to tell you I-"

"_Voi siete la luce del mio cuore._" He says, with such passion that it fills her heart with dread.

Alberto.

* * *

She's so going hug Harper a zillion times the next time she sees her.

Because really, when she looks at him she realizes all the broken hearts that he managed to cause, and she feels extremely bad about the one that matters to her the most. How can this dork of a brother get so many lovesick girls swooning at his feet? Harper, Juliet, the Werewolf and Centaur- and each and every time it results in heartbreak and little sympathy from both of them.

And to think, her best friend's been going through this for three whole _years_- that girl needs a special Alex-hug, super-bad.

That's when there's an unexpected _oomph _and she's face to face with Justin's arms.

She glares at it, her old arch enemy- the sole reason for her destruction and downfall. Her lips contort when she hears herself, she's even starting to sound like him (are you listening, God?) and she really doesn't like that.

Or his arms. Or his stupid (not at all sexy yet geeky) sly smile. Or him, period.

"Aha!" He says, poking his finger to her nose, triumphant. "I knew you can't stay avoiding me for more than two weeks."

She cringes at how pathetic that sounds, and she pulls away from him, sauntering to the fridge door.

"Whoopee, I know you exist. Give that man a million dollars." She says in monotone, grabbing the milk carton from the side door.

"Seriously, Alex- what's wrong with you? You haven't given me the cold shoulder this long since I broke your dollhouse. And that was at ten."

She swivels around. "Hey, that dollhouse meant a lot to me, okay? And I'm not as bad as you, when I once broke your dolls you were crying in your sleep for weeks."

"Action figures." He growls. She hates his growls. He shakes his head, jaw locked. "That's not the point. You're obviously depressed by something- you haven't eaten choc-fudge-caramel-walnut sundae in days, and I haven't heard from your boyfriend Luke in a month-"

The evil coyote strikes again. "You're in love with someone." He breathes, and Alex wants to curl up and sink into the ground.

There's this seeping, stinging liquid at her feet (she thinks for a moment it's her melted ribs) but she looks down and sees she dropped the carton.

She looks up, and she sees this devastated look in his eyes that might restart her heart. She freezes, staring at him, at his shallow breathing, at his _ohgodsobeatifulandidiotic _eyes, at her brother's arms, and she gets this hollow thud in her heart- as if she's hurting alongside him.

Then the whole thing clicks, a jigsaw puzzle (like those that Justin loves) that finally found the missing piece; the same that had participated in a proverbial tug-of-war between them and fell at the right moment.

He loves her.

She sniffs, and through the shimmering of her vision, she chuckles weakly. Slowly, as her soul returns the chuckle turns into a giggle, which turns into a hearty laugh.

She steps over the pool of milk and hugs him, pressing him against her tightly, because she's always better in showing rather than telling.

She'll never fall in love with him too.

* * *

_Now mix me a colour that nobody knows,_

_And paint me a country where nobody goes._

_And put in it people a little like you,_

_Watching a unicorn drinking the dew._

**_Fin_**

And hello! to the end of my very first Jalex fic, and I hope it made sense and entertained you. Credit to whatever that looks like lyrics and/or poems, and yes, I jumped on this crazy train. Expect more fics in the future.


End file.
